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Disclaimer: This episode of Lifespring! deals with the subject of internet pornography. If you deem this topic inappropriate, or if there are minors within the sound of my voice, you may want to listen at another time. If you are a minor, please ask your parents to listen to this episode before you do, so they can give their permission.

Introduction

I love a good “whodunit.” You know, crime stories, murder mysteries. I grew up watching Perry Mason, Dragnet, Mannix, Starsky and Hutch, ad infinitum. These days, I’ve got my DVR set to record all the CSI’s. One phrase that I remember hearing on these crime shows is ,”The Perfect Murder.” You know, the murderer commits the crime in such a way that there is no way that he’ll ever be caught. No witnesses, no evidence, no consequences for the perpetrator. The perfect murder. Or so it seems.

Of course, in nearly every show where the perfect murder seems to have been committed, the story is about how the hero of the show digs and investigates and questions until the one flaw in the murderer’s plan is exposed and the “perfect” part of the “perfect murder” is shown to be…not so much. The murderer ends up paying the price.

The point is, he or she gets caught because somewhere along the line, evidence of some kind is exposed. A witness, trace evidence, phone records, something that the perp didn’t account for. If he knew that he would have to account for his crime, he would have probably not done the crime.

Today I want to talk to you about the perfect sin. This is the sin that has no witnesses, leaves no evidence. It’s done in secret, while no one is looking, and every trace of it can be deleted with the push of a button or the click of a mouse. I’m talking, of course, about internet pornography. You’re going to hear some statistics that may surprise you, a Biblical perspective on pornography and sex, guilt and forgiveness. And I want to tell you about a tool that I have found that can help control the problem. Full disclosure: Because I believe so strongly in the approach taken by this company, I have brought them on as a sponsor of Lifespring! Media. We’ll talk more at the end of the show about how this came about, but I want you to know at the outset that this relationship exists.

Song:
Anne Davis…“Temple of Contradictions”

Background

The word pornography is made up of of two Greek words. The first is porne, meaning “one who sells, a fornicator, a whore,” The second word is graphein, meaning “to write.”¹ In other words, pornography is literally “the writing of fornicators or whores.”

The Greek word porne is used several times in the Bible. In one of these instances, the apostle Paul writes: Do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot [porne] is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s (1 Corinthians 6:15 [show] Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! (ESV)
–20).

Matthew 5 [show] Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. "You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, 'You fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. "It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. "Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.' But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil. "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (ESV)
: 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 “If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

Now please, don’t get sidetracked on that last part. Jesus was illustrating the seriousness of the sin by saying that you should tear out your eye or cut off your hand. Do not do that. The point is that pornography is considered by God to be a serious sin.

On today’s show we’ll look at some facts about internet porn, we’ll look a bit more at what the Bible says about it, and I’ll give you some advice on how to loose its hold on your life.

• Pornography in many forms is invading people’s homes and is available 24 hrs a day, seven days a week. The internet is a powerful tool, and like all powerful tools, it can be used for profound good or profound evil. In the distribution of pornography, the internet is a tool of profound evil, because pornography is physically more addicting than cocaine and ‘imprints’ the mind with images. Overcoming pornography addiction takes years, and may affect you and everyone around you, the rest of your life.
• The average age of first exposure to Internet porn is 8 (Family Safe Media, December 15, 2005.) Profoundly evil.
• Previously, if you wanted pornographic material you could buy a magazine, video, or visit some establishment. All of these put you at ‘risk’ of being found out. Now, with computers being used in private, unaccountable settings, people can find and view hardcore pornography right in their homes and offices. This can quickly escalate into an addiction with great harm brought to individuals, children, wives and families.

Facts and Stats

40 million U.S. adults regularly visit Internet pornography websites.

42.7% of world wide Internet users view porn

47% of Christians said pornography is a major problem in their homes

53% of Christian men viewed pornography in the last week

10% of adults admit to Internet sexual addiction

The Internet pornography industry generates $12 billion dollars in annual revenue. That’s more than the combined annual revenues of ABC, NBC, and CBS

25% of Daily total search engine requests are pornographic

Lest you think that this is only a male problem, listen to this:

28% of porn site visitors are female, or that translates to 9.4 million women access adult web sites each month.

70% of women keep their porn secret

17% of all women struggle with pornography addiction.

Women are much more likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.

Two-thirds of the divorce lawyers attending a 2002 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers said excessive interest in online porn contributed to more than half of the divorces they handled that year. They also said pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just seven or eight years earlier.

Dr. C.J. Manning’s 2006 study on sexual compulsion showed that learning of a spouse’s porn use typically has the same impact on an innocent spouse as learning of an affair, and pornography is a significant factor leading to divorce.

Americans aged 13 to 18 spend more than 72 hours a week using electronic media, defined as the Internet, cell phones, television, music and video games

87% of all teens are online

Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is reported to be as early as five years old

80% of 15-17 year olds have had multiple hard-core exposures

90% of 8-16 year olds have viewed porn online, most of them while doing their homework

The largest group of viewers of Internet porn is children between ages 12 and 17

Even pastors are not immune:

57% of pastors call pornography the most sexually damaging issue for their congregations

51% of pastors say porn is a temptation

69% of pastors started looking at porn out of curiosity

37% of pastors say porn is currently a struggle

53% of pastors have visited porn sites in the past year

18% percent of pastors look at porn a couple times a month

30% of pastors do not talk to anyone about their use of pornography

4 in 10 of pastors looked at porn today

Sources: Christianity Today, Promise Keepers, Barna Research Group, World Magazine, Internet Filter Review, USA Today, Cnet, internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com, Child-Proofing on the World Wide Web: A Survey of Adult Webservers, 2001, Jurimetrics. National Research Council Report, 2002, Family Safe Media, December 15, 2005

Struggling Christians

My friends, as you see, this problem really is the 300 pound gorilla. From the statistics, it can safely be surmised that every one of us knows someone who has a problem with porn, and many of you reading this right now are probably feeling like I’m talking specifically to you, because your life is out of control in this area, too.

As a matter of fact, here is part of an email that I recently got from a listener who would like to remain anonymous, so I’ll call him “Bob”, not his real name…

“I too was a victim of pornography before coming to know Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. In fact, it was a pretty significant part of my life up until the week of my salvation.

“When I was about 15 I was reading a computer magazine, and they had an article about various web sites of computer games companies. One of them had a name which had a second meaning, and led the article writer to jokingly say something like “be careful if you search for this one!”. My curiosity was aroused, and when I got home, I searched for the company, but really started looking for the second meaning, which was related to porn.

“I soon became hooked on the images I saw. In fact, at that time, we still had dial-up internet, so even though I was technically competent enough to wipe traces of my surfing from the computer, the amount of time I spent could easily be seen from our phone bill. I ended up lying about what I was doing to my parents, as well as seeing things that I really should not have, which I’m pretty sure has affected my view of the world – but thankfully I now have Jesus in my life to help turn things the right way around.

“For me, the most addictive activity wasn’t the pictures, but the stories. I guess it was something about my imagination, but with the stories I could see things that were not always in the pictures. Unfortunately certain stories are all too easy to think back to now.

“Given that I had a certain amount of Christianity in my background, I sometimes tried to read the Bible instead of going online and visiting the same sites, but that rarely “worked”, and I would find myself back at the screen.

“This carried on for three years till I was reading a book I had been lent by a member of the cell group I was attending at the time. The book was “Left Behind”, which is about those “left behind” after the rapture (isn’t it easy to get sucked into using Christianese and not even think of a simple way of explaining what certain words mean!). I’d gone to church when I was younger, and then again for a few months up to this point. I’d managed to come to the understanding that being a Christian just meant going to church/reading the Bible/praying etc, but hadn’t understood the core of Jesus’ forgiveness and Lordship in my life. When reading the book, I read of other characters who also thought they were Christians but had not returned with Jesus at the rapture. This was the wake up call I needed to help me see that I needed to repent and so I did just that. Having asked Jesus into my life and to help me with my addiction, I knew there had been a change, and I’d done what I needed to break porn’s (really Satan’s) control over my life.

“Since then, I can’t say I’ve never fallen back, but those incidents have been exceptions that I’m not happy about, rather than being a part of my everyday life.”

Here’s another comment from a Christian who struggles with this, we’ll call him Justin, again, not his real name:

“For years I have struggled with porn and lust. The feelings of utter failure, uselessness and self loathing would knock me down and make me useless as a Christian, and yet I thought I could beat it without really changing. First thing to do is “whatever He tells you”, and in this case He clearly tells us to “flee youthful lusts.” So don’t hesitate, negotiate, or procrastinate. Flee right now! Decide now to flee, flee, and again, flee.”

See, you are not alone. Those feelings of failure and defeat and self loathing after giving in to temptation are something that nearly every believer experiences. Some say that it’s the enemy, Satan, attacking you, trying to keep you down…”And you call yourself a Christian. Look at yourself. You’re a hypocrite and a failure. You think God loves you, after this? You think He’ll forgive you AGAIN? After asking Him so many times? Give it up.”

Let’s look now at what the Bible has to say about guilt, pornography, and forgiveness.

Sometimes it might be the enemy, but remember this: Satan can only be in one place at a time. He is not omnipresent. So how could he be personally attacking each and every Christian that falls? He doesn’t need to, we do it to ourselves just fine, thank you. It’s our own mind, in most cases. It’s called having a guilty conscience! And you know what? That’s a good thing! It is an indication that you have not been irreparably hardened to sin! Of course, don’t stay in those negative thoughts. Remember the scripture that says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9 [show] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (ESV)
) And think also of Matthew 18 [show] At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. "Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire. "See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish. "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. "Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, 'Pay what you owe.' So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." (ESV)
: 21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus *said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Of course when Jesus said up to seventy times seven he was making the point that we should forgive an unlimited amount of times. So, do you think God will be LESS forgiving than He asks us to be? Of course not.

“So then, it’s no big thing then! We can continue to sin and God will continue to forgive us! Awesome! Let’s party!”

Not so fast. The apostle Paul talked about this very concept in the New Testament book of Romans. And in chapter six, verse one he says, “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 Certainly not!” No, that would not be pleasing to God, and if we are truly in a relationship with Jesus, we won’t desire that, and Jesus Himself says that “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. (John 14:23 [show] Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. (ESV)
)

So at this point, just to be clear, let’s look at what God’s Word teaches about pornography. I know that many of you know that using pornography is wrong, but you may not have specific scriptures to back up your instinct. Let’s look at a few.

1 Corinthians 6 [show] When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud--even your own brothers! Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. "All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything. "Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food"--and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, "The two will become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (ESV)
: 18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

Matthew 5 [show] Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. "You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, 'You fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. "It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. "Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.' But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil. "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (ESV)
: 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Y ou shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 “If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

Job 31 [show] "I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin? What would be my portion from God above and my heritage from the Almighty on high? Is not calamity for the unrighteous, and disaster for the workers of iniquity? Does not he see my ways and number all my steps? "If I have walked with falsehood and my foot has hastened to deceit; (Let me be weighed in a just balance, and let God know my integrity!) if my step has turned aside from the way and my heart has gone after my eyes, and if any spot has stuck to my hands, then let me sow, and another eat, and let what grows for me be rooted out. "If my heart has been enticed toward a woman, and I have lain in wait at my neighbor's door, then let my wife grind for another, and let others bow down on her. For that would be a heinous crime; that would be an iniquity to be punished by the judges; for that would be a fire that consumes as far as Abaddon, and it would burn to the root all my increase. "If I have rejected the cause of my manservant or my maidservant, when they brought a complaint against me, what then shall I do when God rises up? When he makes inquiry, what shall I answer him? Did not he who made me in the womb make him? And did not one fashion us in the womb? "If I have withheld anything that the poor desired, or have caused the eyes of the widow to fail, or have eaten my morsel alone, and the fatherless has not eaten of it (for from my youth the fatherless grew up with me as with a father, and from my mother's womb I guided the widow), if I have seen anyone perish for lack of clothing, or the needy without covering, if his body has not blessed me, and if he was not warmed with the fleece of my sheep, if I have raised my hand against the fatherless, because I saw my help in the gate, then let my shoulder blade fall from my shoulder, and let my arm be broken from its socket. For I was in terror of calamity from God, and I could not have faced his majesty. "If I have made gold my trust or called fine gold my confidence, if I have rejoiced because my wealth was abundant or because my hand had found much, if I have looked at the sun when it shone, or the moon moving in splendor, and my heart has been secretly enticed, and my mouth has kissed my hand, this also would be an iniquity to be punished by the judges, for I would have been false to God above. "If I have rejoiced at the ruin of him who hated me, or exulted when evil overtook him (I have not let my mouth sin by asking for his life with a curse), if the men of my tent have not said, 'Who is there that has not been filled with his meat?' (the sojourner has not lodged in the street; I have opened my doors to the traveler), if I have concealed my transgressions as others do by hiding my iniquity in my bosom, because I stood in great fear of the multitude, and the contempt of families terrified me, so that I kept silence, and did not go out of doors-- Oh, that I had one to hear me! (Here is my signature! Let the Almighty answer me!) Oh, that I had the indictment written by my adversary! Surely I would carry it on my shoulder; I would bind it on me as a crown; I would give him an account of all my steps; like a prince I would approach him. "If my land has cried out against me and its furrows have wept together, if I have eaten its yield without payment and made its owners breathe their last, let thorns grow instead of wheat, and foul weeds instead of barley." The words of Job are ended. (ESV)
:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.

Proverbs 5 [show] My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it. And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, "How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation." Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For a man's ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.
:

15 Do you know the saying, “Drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring-fed well”?

16 It’s true. Otherwise, you may one day come home and find your barrel empty and your well polluted.

17 Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers.

18 Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!

19 Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!

20 Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

21 Mark well that God doesn’t miss a move you make; he’s aware of every step you take.

22 The shadow of your sin will overtake you; you’ll find yourself stumbling all over yourself in the dark.

23 Death is the reward of an undisciplined life; your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end.

There are many more examples, but you get the idea. Looking at a woman other than your wife, or ladies, looking at a man other than your husband, or looking at another of the same sex, and doing it with lust, is a perversion, or a distortion, of God’s plan for your sexuality. We won’t get into the homosexual question at all on today’s show. If you’re interested in that discussion, listen to Lifespring!, episodes 104 and 105.

God created us as sexual beings. He understands the power of the temptation, but he does expect us to flee temptation when it comes. Gen 39 [show] Now Joseph had been brought down to Egypt, and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, the captain of the guard, an Egyptian, had bought him from the Ishmaelites who had brought him down there. The LORD was with Joseph, and he became a successful man, and he was in the house of his Egyptian master. His master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD caused all that he did to succeed in his hands. So Joseph found favor in his sight and attended him, and he made him overseer of his house and put him in charge of all that he had. From the time that he made him overseer in his house and over all that he had the LORD blessed the Egyptian's house for Joseph's sake; the blessing of the LORD was on all that he had, in house and field. So he left all that he had in Joseph's charge, and because of him he had no concern about anything but the food he ate. Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance. And after a time his master's wife cast her eyes on Joseph and said, "Lie with me." But he refused and said to his master's wife, "Behold, because of me my master has no concern about anything in the house, and he has put everything that he has in my charge. He is not greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except yourself, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?" And as she spoke to Joseph day after day, he would not listen to her, to lie beside her or to be with her. But one day, when he went into the house to do his work and none of the men of the house was there in the house, she caught him by his garment, saying, "Lie with me." But he left his garment in her hand and fled and got out of the house. And as soon as she saw that he had left his garment in her hand and had fled out of the house, she called to the men of her household and said to them, "See, he has brought among us a Hebrew to laugh at us. He came in to me to lie with me, and I cried out with a loud voice. And as soon as he heard that I lifted up my voice and cried out, he left his garment beside me and fled and got out of the house." Then she laid up his garment by her until his master came home, and she told him the same story, saying, "The Hebrew servant, whom you have brought among us, came in to me to laugh at me. But as soon as I lifted up my voice and cried, he left his garment beside me and fled out of the house." As soon as his master heard the words that his wife spoke to him, "This is the way your servant treated me," his anger was kindled. And Joseph's master took him and put him into the prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined, and he was there in prison. But the LORD was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison. And the keeper of the prison put Joseph in charge of all the prisoners who were in the prison. Whatever was done there, he was the one who did it. The keeper of the prison paid no attention to anything that was in Joseph's charge, because the LORD was with him. And whatever he did, the LORD made it succeed. (ESV)
Joseph fled from Potiphar’s wife…Fleeing is not weakness! It is the suggested and accepted way to deal with temptation that could easily overwhelm us.

Would you purposely swim with a bunch of hungry man eating sharks, just to prove that you are strong? Of course not. You wouldn’t stand a chance. You would do everything you could to get out of the water, where you know they cannot go. That is the idea here when it comes to temptation. You have already shown that this shark can have you for lunch at any time. So why flirt with it? Why even dangle your toe in the water? Get out of there.

“Steve, I’ve tried that, but I still fall.”

Let me give you some ideas that can help you gain control.

First and foremost, unless you have a personal, vibrant and committed relationship with Jesus, I don’t think you have a chance. You must draw near to Him. You cannot do it on your own strength. So, if you are not sure of your relationship with Him, take time right now to pray and ask Jesus to forgive you, to tell Him that you want Him to cleanse you from your sins, and that you want a new life where He is the one in control. Ask Him to help you live as He would want you to. And then, every day, and every moment of every day, cultivate that relationship. Make it the reason for everything that you do. Stay in touch with Him through prayer, getting to know the Bible, because that is His message to mankind, and find some folks who can mentor you in the Christ following life.

Ok, so you say, “Steve, I have that covered. I truly believe that Jesus is who he says he is, I am a believer and a follower. But this porn thing just has me in its grip. What can I do? I’m addicted. I keep relapsing.”

Listen, God knows all about it, and He loves you anyway. The Bible says that “…while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” He knew from the very foundation of the world that you would fail, even after you asked Jesus to be your Savior. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more, and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you less.

Let’s take a moment to listen to one who has experienced the repeated failures of relapses in his own addictions.

Song
Bryan Duncan…”Jesus Loves Me Anyway”

Remember, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9 [show] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (ESV)
)

So, what to do.

Remember that sin begins first in the mind…with your thoughts.

Did you know that it is said that there is no difference between when you imagine something or if it actually happens? They both have the same effect on your brain. Neurologically, they’re the same. That’s why athletes often visualize themselves in competition, doing the event perfectly, and winning. Over and over they practice in their mind.

James 1:14-15 [show] But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (ESV)
– “Sin begins with the desire and then when it has conceived it brings forth sin and when that is finished it brings forth death.”

1 Peter 1:13 [show] Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (ESV)
– “Prepare your mind for action, be self controlled.”

2 Corinthians 10:5 [show] We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, (ESV)
– “We take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.”

Romans 13:14 [show] But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (ESV)
– “Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think about how to gratify the desires of your sinful nature.”

Matthew 5:28 [show] But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (ESV)
Jesus said – “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Phil 4 [show] Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved. I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble. And you Philippians yourselves know that in the beginning of the gospel, when I left Macedonia, no church entered into partnership with me in giving and receiving, except you only. Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again. Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit. I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. Greet every saint in Christ Jesus. The brothers who are with me greet you. All the saints greet you, especially those of Caesar's household. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. (ESV)
:8 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

Knowing these things, considering what scripture has to say, we need to determine our course of action before we are in a crisis situation, before we are tempted. We need to decide beforehand that giving in is not an option. Much of the battle will be won if we refuse to engage in the temptation. Flee at that moment. Don’t think about it. It’s been decided.

You say, “Steve, I’ve done that, and I still fail.”

Ok, but I’m not finished yet.

This next step is probably the hardest. It’s going to take some humility on your part, some courage, and commitment. But do you really want to get the upper hand? Do you want to do what God’s word says? If so, then you have to tell someone that you have this problem. Someone who will hold you accountable. Not someone who will be easy on you, but someone who will ask the hard questions.

“Come on, Steve! I can’t do that. It’s too embarrassing. What will they think of me?” Well, if they love you, they’ll want to help you and they’ll think, “Wow, here’s a sinner just like me.”

James 5:16 [show] Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (ESV)
says, Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed … (NIV). Look at that, it said, “so that you may be healed.”

You want freedom from this bondage? Confess to someone you trust, someone who will pray with you and for you, and who will hold you accountable, because this is going to be a process. It will take time to change your habits and behaviors. You can be accountable one on one, to a small prayer group, your spouse. Whoever it is, make sure it is someone who will truly not let you slide.

Next, take a look at when you are most vulnerable.

Is it late at night, when everyone else is in bed? Then determine that you’ll not be on the computer when they’re in bed.

Is it when you’re stressed? Then exercise more. Seriously. Exercise is a great stress reducer. Take a walk, ride a bike, do push ups, do something to get your body moving. It really does help.

Look at your behavior and figure out what the triggers are. Then alter your behavior when you see the trigger.

Next, be aware of the health of your relationship with Jesus

Are you spending time cultivating your closeness to Him? If we don’t spend time with those we love, we tend to grow apart. Jesus said in John chapter 15, 5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.

You can’t do this without staying close to Jesus.

Think of the consequences

The writer Randy Alcorn says, “Whenever I feel particularly vulnerable to sexual temptation, I find it helpful to review what effects my action could have:

· Grieving the Lord who redeemed me.

· Dragging His sacred name through the mud.

· One day having to look at Jesus, the righteous judge in the face, and give an account of my actions.

· Losing my wife’s respect and trust.

· Hurting my daughters.

· Destroying my example and credibility with my children.

· Causing shame to my family.

· Losing self-respect.

· Forming memories and flashbacks that could plague future intimacy with my wife.

· Undermining the faithful example and hard work of other Christians in our community.”


Be prepared. Gear up for battle.

In Matthew 26:41 [show] Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." (ESV)
, Jesus says, Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the body is weak.

1 Peter 5:8 [show] Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. (ESV)
(Living Bible) – Be careful, watch out for the attacks from Satan your great enemy. He prowls around like a hungry, roaring lion looking for some victim to tear apart.

Understand that constant vigilance is the phrase of the day. You cannot let your guard down. You know how it is with internet porn. You’re searching for something innocent and BAM!, you’re confronted with porn. Constant vigilance.

What do you do when these temptations appear on your computer screen, completely by surprise? Sometimes you give in, sometimes you don’t. Right?

Well, what if you knew that your accountability partner would find out that you gave in? Would you be less liable to succumb? Probably.

Now this is where the commercial comes.

But understand, I chose this sponsor because I believe in them. Over a year ago, one of the Lifespring listeners emailed me, telling me of his addiction to internet porn. He asked me to be his accountability partner with Covenant Eyes software. And then several months later, a friend of mine confessed to me that he was having a problem with internet porn, too. I suggested Covenant Eyes to him because of the good results I had seen with my listener.

Let me explain what Covenant Eyes software is all about.

When you sign up with them, you download an application that will watch everywhere you go on the internet, and send a report to the servers at Covenant Eyes. This record is not stored on your computer. Of course, your browser still has your history, but we all know how easy it is to clear that. With Covenant Eyes, the history is kept on their computers and you can’t touch it.

By the way, this software does NOT slow down your browser. Page load times are the same as always. No worries there.

Next, your accountability partner is emailed a report of your browsing periodically. The frequency is adjustable by your partner. What’s on the report? This is the cool thing.

Because reports provide scoring, partners and users can easily identify questionable websites, searches, links, and more. The report shows trends for websites viewed and bar charts that show the times of day and night when the Internet is used.

• Internet protection for individuals, families, office staff, and schools.
• Easy 5 steps to sign-up and download the software.
• Inexpensive: $7.99/mo per user, $84.99/yr with multiple user discounts.
• Free customer service and free software upgrades.
• Download onto additional computers at no extra charge.
• Extremely difficult to bypass. Partners receive an email if software is uninstalled.
• Recommended by Focus on the Family.

There are other companies out there that offer some level of accountability, but I’ve done the comparison, and I believe that Covenant Eyes is the best and most reliable tool available. I’ve had well over a year’s experience with Covenant Eyes, and I really believe in it. I had a long conversation with one of the owners of the company, and I am convinced that he really has a ministry attitude when it comes to helping people. He is committed to providing a powerful tool for gaining control of your web surfing habits.

He told me of some new products that they are working on that I can’t really talk about, but believe me when I tell you, they are on the cutting edge. They know what the trends are in internet use, and they are committed to staying ahead of the curve.

Now listen, if you are serious about taming the internet porn problem in your life, or if you have kids in your home, you really do need Covenant Eyes in your arsenal. It’s only $7.99 a month, or $84.99 a year, which is a savings of more than ten dollars. And if you use the promo code “Lifespring” when you sign up, you’ll get one month free. There is no risk. Sign up using the promo code Lifespring, and you can see how it works. If it’s not for you, just cancel and you’ll have no further obligation. But I don’t think you’ll want to cancel because it works.

Remember, if you have kids in the house, they are at greater risk than you probably are. And don’t you want to help them before they get into trouble?

I believe in Covenant Eyes, and I think you should, too. Click here to sign up using the Lifespring promo code.

The Bottom Line

As I said at the beginning of this conversation, ultimately it will have to be Christ in you who changes your desires from the inside out, but we should use every tool we can to change our behaviors.

We have looked at the problem of internet pornography, we’ve heard some facts about its pervasiveness, we’ve heard what the Bible says about it, and we’ve learned some ideas on how to get control.

Would you write to me if this has been an issue with you? I would love to hear from you, and I would love to pray with you. My email address is steve (dottttt) lifespring (attttttt) gmail (dotttttt) com. Better yet, call me toll free at (877)433-9091. Leave a message.

For some helpful books, be sure to visit our Resource Center.

A Final Prayer

Psalm 51 [show] Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.
:

1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; ; according to your great compassion ; blot out my transgressions. ;

2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. ;

3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. ;

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak ; and justified when you judge. ;

5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. ;

6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. ;

8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. ;

9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. ;

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. ;

11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. ;

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. ;

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. ;

14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, ; and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. ;

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. ;

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, ; O God, you will not despise. ;

18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem. ;

19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; ; then bulls will be offered on your altar.